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Interesting article in Family Mag( May 2007 issue)

May 8, 2007

I have been reading this newly purchased magazine and a particular article caught my eye.

The article states:

1. Our children are more then their behaviour

Our children have beliefs, values, aspirations and fears. When we recognise that our children are more then their behaviour, we see them for who they are. While we may reject their negative behaviour, it is important that we continue to accept them, even though we might not agree with them.

2. Behaviour is driven by a positive intention

Every type of behaviour is a means for the child to accomplish something, consciously or unconsciously. Throwing a tantrum might be an attempt to have their desires heard or to get what they want. Eg: Asserting personal boundaries, fulfilling one’s social needs depending on the child’s priorities. From the child’s perspective, all intentions are ‘positive’. However, the behaviour used to fulfill these intentions may have negative consequences. Our challenge is to understand their underlying intentions.

 3. Any behaviour is the best choice avaliable to our children at that point in time

Children’s actions are often limited by the options they perceive as available to them, within their limited world view. And from there, they make their best choice, which they believe will get them what they want, no matter how “silly” or ” unacceptable” those choices may appear to us. Eg: Throwing tantrums or behaving cute.
Our roles is to help our children expand their range of options and enable them to fulfill their intentions through more positive behaviour. Eg: I wonder what else you could do to accomplish that? In the process we evoke their creativity and resourcefullness in discovering new ways of getting what they want without getting into trouble.
Children are more likely to adopt the new types of behaviour that they come up with themselves, rather then what is prescribed by us. True and enduring change can only come from inside out.


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